Watts (chipotle) wrote,

Low patience days

Tuesday I decided I'd get the basics for a from-scratch macaroni and cheese variant. Given my work schedule--I didn't leave the office until 7:45--I didn't feel like cooking that evening, so I waited until yesterday evening, when I got out the office door precisely at 7:00, back to the grocery to pick up salad fixings and diced chile, and home.

While the pasta was boiling, I was rinsing out a big glass casserole dish. It slipped in the sink, broke, and sliced my hand in three places.

Bleeding profusely tends to throw off my cooking.

I did finish the recipe, sort of. I realized I had either too little cheese or too much pasta--and I forgot to add the chiles. It tasted good anyway.

While I'd use the fact that I have two bandaged fingertips as a worthy excuse for my being snappish online yesterday, the honest truth is I was snapping at people earlier, and feeling snappish a day or two before. Previously they were, I hope, relatively polite snaps--but the truth is that I'm out of patience with online roleplaying, both in the approaches some freeform roleplayers take and the insecurity that bubbles up with some players.

This isn't the first time. It goes in cycles with me; this is, I suppose you'd say, a down cycle. Low biorhythms, if you will. Some of it may have to do with "offline" stress; some of it may be due to bubbles of fandom politics. At the point when I want to start grabbing people and shaking them, it's time to step back.

I can't help but single out one rant. There's an online community I'm nominally part of, formed in part (although not officially) to be a counter to a similarly-themed site some people thought was too fannishly political. The catalyst for a current flap was a post by one of the older site's members, which responded to a mildly inflammatory whine about the older site with a ridiculously inflammatory and personal attack on the whiner. This led to lots of other inflammatory stuff from several quarters, but it would seem the only person who got "moderated" for it was the older site's member. Being a Big Name Guy, he's tried to rally other Big Name Guys to leave the newer site, with some success.

I'm not one of them; I'm not a "take my marbles and go home" kind of person, and while I disagree with the moderation, I think the first Big Name Guy is essentially throwing a temper tantrum I'm not interested in being a part of. The newer site made me feel mildly unwelcome some time ago, though, when a moderator moved one of my posts out of a relevant thread on a different section to the "whine" board and retitled it somewhat snidely; my activity there has been pretty limited since. (No doubt feeding the perception that I'm holding myself above that group.)

Last night I came across a thread on newer site about one more Big Name Guy leaving, saying that he thinks the site admins need to learn to allow disputes to go on without getting ants in their pants and coming down on participants (particularly, perhaps, in the discussion area set aside for disputes). I nearly responded to that, with a post about what makes cliques cliques--nothing personal, but a kind of gentle warning about the dangers of being an "anti-clique," since ultimately it's not only just as cliquish, it's promoting an "us versus them" mentality the original presumed clique very well might not have.

Fortunately, I didn't. That discussion thread on the newer site is now locked by a moderator (the one who moderated me, surprisingly enough), with the note that he'll be removing it completely in a day. Why? Because it's counterproductive to the site, which has "shown the world that there can be a flourishing and free community of ideas, art and discussion!"

I'm guessing he doesn't see the irony there. Of course, I'm guessing he figured publicly humiliating me would also encourage a friendly community site.

At any rate, if I'm a little scarce online to those of you who see me there, consider it a degrumbling period.
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