I'm not sure what it was. Going to Disney Saturday? Seeing John Cooner and Herbie Bearclaw? Won't see them too much if I'm on the other side of the country, and I'll go to Disney World even less. I've been keeping thoughts of missing local friends at bay successfully so far; maybe they're breaking in now.
But I don't think that's it.
They're strange worries. Kim's been contacted about a six-month contract opportunity for him here in town and it's making him a little grumbly for the possibility of monkeywrenching his plans. I tell him not to worry but now I realize it'll subtly monkeywrench my plans, won't it? It won't require me to change them but it'll pull the rug out from under the rationale for leaving next month. I could head out and find that I had a place to stay here through the holidays after all, couldn't I?
Of course, Kim's condo is still on the market, so Kim could find himself looking for a new place locally before the holidays--which would put me back in the 3-moves-4-months situation I'd determined to avoid.
It's ironic. A few days ago it occurred to me that I wasn't feeling as strongly that I "had" to leave this year, because some internal bridge had been crossed, some line cut--something had flipped from possibly to definitely, from if to when. There wasn't a worry that somehow staying here a couple extra months would entrap me; now I know it won't.
But those extra months aren't going to magically happen. I've been still and quiet long enough for this to crystallize in a way it hadn't last week. "Unexpected changes of circumstance" get less likely with each passing day. I'm going to have to find professional movers to answer cost and time questions this week, to get all of Tugrik's contact info, to plan repacking and change of address, to nail down finances. It's no longer in the nebulous future, it's now. It's being ready to head out in three weeks, the specific date to be fixed after I get word back on expected transit time from movers. (Then I can pin down my route and my expected transit time, so I can make sure that I'll get there before my belongings do.)
I just stopped myself at the last minute from buying tickets for a Christmas flight from San José to Tampa Bay. If that's going to happen it's going to have to be decided on soon, though--next month ticket prices will start climbing.
I've spent most of my time so far just being excited about the move. I suppose it's good that I'm finally feeling apprehension, too.